Why bicycles are better than men

1. Bicycles don't blech, snore or fart.
2. A bicycle never get "too tired".
3. You can take a bicycle to the mall, and no matter how much time you spend there, when you return, it never asks "What took you so #%$^* long?"
4. Bicycles don't leave dirty socks and/or underwear all over the floor.
5. Bicycles don't work late.
6. Your Bicycle stays as clean as you want it to.
7. Bicycles don't have parents or kids.
8. Bicycles don't get sick.
9. A bicycle never try to be in control.
10. Bicycles let you know when something is wrong.
11. A bicycle does not worry obsessively about the size of its crank.
12. Bicycles don't get overweight, except as per your convenience.
13. A bicycle will never ask "Are you gaining weight?"
14. A bicycle will never dump you for a younger, sexier rider.
15. If your Bicycle goes flat, you can fix it.
16. If your Bicycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
17. You can check out the guy who works on your Bicycle.
18. If you say bad things to your Bicycle, you don't have to apologize before you ride it again.
19. Your Bicycle always has time for you.
20. Bicycles don't complain and don't ride away from you when the road gets rough.
21. Bicycles don't watch TV.
22. Bicycles don't shave.
23. Bicycles don't snore.
24. Bicycles don't leave a mess in the kitchen or bathroom.
25. Bicycles are better protection in a bad neighborhood.
26. If you don't like the size of your bicycle you can get a new one.
27. You can try out as many bikes as you like before you get your own.
28. You don't have to feed your bicycle.
29. Bicycles never argue, you are always right.
30. Bicycles never wake you up in the middle of the night, for any reason.
31. Bicycles never try to show you off to their friends.
32. Bicycles don't come home drunk after a night out with its buddies.
33. Bicycles don't sneak around with other bicycles.
34. Bicycles don't care what you look like or what your age is.
35. Bicycles don't care and don't comment about what you spend your money on.
36. Bicycles don't care if you have to work late.
37. When you go riding, your bicycle doesn't care if other bicycles are bigger or out of town.
38. You don't have to explain to a bike if you don't feel like a ride.
39. Bicycles never put you down.
40. Bicycles don't complain if you wear "sensible" clothes.
41. Bicycles don't have egos.
42. Bicycles don't refuse to ask for directions when they're lost.
43. Bicycles don't need remote control units.
44. When you're lost you don't have to argue with it about stopping for directions.
45. When it's going too fast into a curve you can slow it down.
46. When you need someone to ride with it's happy to go.
47. You buy the tools it needs; it doesn't buy tools that never get used.
48. You don't have to explain to it the need for matching jersey and shorts.
49. You don't have to continually assure it that its crank length is just right.
50. You determine the length and frequency of the rides, and you're always on top.
51. It never finishes before you do.
52. It doesn't complain about you going out to dinner with your women friends rather than staying at home with it.
53. You never get helpful suggestions from its mother.
54. It will ride with you even on Super Bowl Sunday.
55. It never complains if you put on a few pounds.
56. When its dysfunctional you know how to get it fixed (and know that it can be fixed).
57. If you decide to get a new bicycle you don't have to give up more than half of everything you have.
58. It will never earn more that you do for the same job just because it's a bicycle.
59. It never spends a "night out with the bikes" and comes home with a strange rash on its saddle.
60. It will never turn into a beer bellied blob of metal on the couch in front of the TV.

Why bicycles are like men

1. They both get flat at the most inappropriate moments.
2. The ones that look the fastest and most appealing usually work only on an irregular basis.

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