You know you're a biker when...

You know you're a biker when...

From Dave Hansen:

you tell a family of five in a crowded mall to "hold their line"

From RK

Your wife says "if you buy another bike I'm going to leave you" and you think "I guess I'm going to miss her."

From Steve Johnson

you rub chamois cream in your underwear.

From Ohio Rick

when you check out this link you spend most of your time trying to figure out what make the bike is.

From Les

you have more water bottles than you have drinking glasses

From Ken Lee

you have more cycling jersies than work shirts

From Daniel Connelly

virtually the only time you ride in a car is to get to cycling events.

From David Balfoort

your cycling jersey IS your work shirt.

From Jim Burlant

your first inclination upon hearing the number 26x24x35, is that it's a funky new triple chaninring setup offered by Shimano, instead of the measurements of the hottest Playmate of the Month.

From Ken Papai

you're legs are smoother than your wife's.

From Dave VanderWiel

the nicest pair of shoes you own have cleats in the soles.

From Kurt Hurzeler

you spend pre-dawn hours cutting off the right side mirrors of pick up trucks.

you have defined the 8 stages of roadkill decomposition through daily observation.

From Ian Scott

you are walking along a street and you signal left!

you go to your local pub on a bike.

you sulk when in cars, on hot days.

you sulk when in cars, on cold, windy, snowy days.

driving along the motorway you accelerate to get on the back of a lorry.

you think getting the bonk isn't sex related.

you have 20 minutes before Tea, so you nip out in jeans for the miles

you know who Djmolodine Abduzhaparov is, and you can pronounce it!

you get withdrawel symptoms if off the bike for more than a day.

when anybody mentions a distance you immediatly think how long it would take to cycle it.

From Sandy Crowley

you point at pot holes - but you are driving in your car alone.

From Bob Nicholson

while driving your car you yell at your passenger, "car back" as a vehicle approaches from behind.

From Tony Suarez

when your bike is worth more than your car.

From Rodney Olsen

your hands have a strange tan that looks remarkably similar to the pattern on your cycling gloves.

weather forecasts can be broken down into two categories - good biking weather - better biking weather.

you're driving a car, come to a stop sign or light, and find yourself reaching down for your water bottle.

you're on a first name basis with the local bike shop owner.

From Bill Scheitzach

you put your bicycle in your car, and the value of the total package increases by a factor of 4 (or better).

you apply for a new job and when the interviewer asks if you have any questions, you ask if they can guarantee that you will get the last week in July off for RAGBRAI.

... the interviewer for the new job (see above) says, "Yeah, I think we can work something out".

... and for whatever it's worth, back in the mid-'70s (when drilled- out equipment was the hot thing) while on the Tour of the Scioto River Valley (TOSRV) in Ohio, I did see a drilled-out water bottle (see entry "you know etc" from Ronald Wakefield) -- that actually held water!!

From Terry Rudd

you find out you are going to have a child and the first thing you think about is how you will schedule your rides to avoid divorce and still be a father/mother.

every meal is mentally logged as "good fuel" or "bad fuel".

you learn you have X money unexpectly left over after paying bills and the first thing you do is reach for the latest bicycling catalog.

you plan your vacations around your favorite rides and bicycle swap meets.

you actaully become an amature metallurgist as a result of researching your frame materials.

you can't seem to get to work before 8:30 AM, even for important meetings but you don't have any problems at all meeting your buddies at 5:30 AM for a hammerfest.

your 5 year old bicycle gets far better treatment than your new $25,000 car.

you spend 2X the money on cycling wear that you do work clothes.

75% of your tool chest contents are from Park or Campagnolo.

From "HDRECRUTER"

you can tell your wife with a straight face that it's too hot to mow the lawn and then bike off for a century.

From Donald S. Finan

you "forget" to bring your lunch to work so you can go to the restaurant that's across the street from the bike shop.

you hope that your first baby will be born late, so you can make it to the bike tour & swapmeet that's scheduled on the arrival date. :)

you dream of winning the lottery, and the first thing you think of is "how many/which bikes can that money buy?"

you go out to a movie with your biking friends, and all that you can talk about after is biking stuff.

From Drew W. Saunders

someone describes a movie, joke, song, etc. as "campy" and you don't see the bike reference.

you grab for the magazine at the newsstand with the title "Classic Bikes" and realize it's those motorized things.

someone in a car asks for directions and you (accidentally?) give them a route that includes motor vehicle barriers, or a route that bypasses all freeways (or is very scenic, etc.)

you discover that the term "annular bearings" isn't generally used in casual conversation.

On November 11th, you don't celebrate the end of a war, but the impetus for the invention of the quick release. (I sure hope I got that date right for Tullio's day o' frozen fingers on the Croce D'Aune).

You finally realize that the "C" in 700C isn't a measuring unit, but just a letter designation, and that 700A and 700B aren't made any more, and then get a smug attitude towards people who think that it means "cm" (like you recently did).

you buy a car based on whether or not a bike will fit in the trunk/back, with the rear seat folded down (I just did).

From Doug

you drill out titanium parts to make them lighter.

you risk loosing your job by stopping at a bike shop to look around instead of making your deliveries.

you risk life and limb in a traffic accident to check out a bike going the opposite direction.

From Mark Hickey

you don't watch 'Baywatch' because the babes don't have good quads.

From Jonathan Meltzer

you open your car window and yell out "On your left!" while passing on the freeway.

From an unknown person

you have not one, not two, but three permanent chain ring scars on your right calf.

From Bev

You regard inter-gender public discussion of your genital pain/size/shape/utility as normal.

From Connel MacKenzie

your New Years resolution is to put more miles on your bike than on your car. ....and you do it.

you throw your first rock through a windshield in "self-defense" and don't get arrested.

you work late to avoid rush hour. When you get to work at 7:00AM to avoid rush hour.

you laugh at motocyclists 'cause they HAVE to wear helmets. When you laugh at car driver's 'cause they don't wear helmets.

you paint your own "Bike-Lane" lines.

your cadence is exactly 90, but you have no idea what your speed is.

(even if you are famished) cannot eat when you get home, 'cause your stomache is "too tight."

your significant other wants to drive to the other side of the mall, and you insist (because it's too wasteful) to go home and get your bikes instead.

From Stuart

you hear someones had a crash and your first question is "How's the bike?"

From Neil Cherry

while riding, a car full of guys hoots, hollers, and whistles at you from behind only to realize that your male as they pass. Then suddenly disappear from site when they also realize they might get their butts kick because you're built a lot better. (Or they their too embarassed). ;-}

From Jim Humphries

your car gets broken into and your hard drive crashes in the same month and by far your biggest concern is why the bottom bracket on your road bike is making a clicking noise.

From Henry Barta

you're in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area and you've just hoisted your canoe on your shoulders to portage to another lake, You look at all those tree roots across the path and think "cool place to bike" instead of "hope I don't trip".

From M. Dolenga

you have to drive your car, you lean over the steering wheel, just like an aerobar, to avoid the wind drag.

From Pete Hickey

you're driving a car, and you come to a downhill followed by an uphill, and you feel the need to push a bit harder going down so that the uphill will be easier.

From Holly D.

you're driving a car, come to a stop sign or light, and find yourself making that funny heel motion to get out of your clipless pedals in time for the stop

From Eleanor MacMaster

you crash.... and insist on getting the bike to the shop to be checked out BEFORE you get yourself to the hospital to be checked out.

From Ronald A. Wakefield

your Windows wallpaper/screensaver is the latest TDF map.

you get a Presta adapter that fits the Helium tank at your local baloon shop.

you drill out your water bottle to save weight.

From Omar F. Lari

you shave off your eyebrows to save weight.

From D. Lowe

everyone else on the company spa/resort retreat goes shopping in fine shops for cloths and antiques, but you (of course) are only interested in the local bike shop.

everyone else on this same retreat is busily getting spa treatments, playing tennis and being pampered, while you're persuading buddies to find the local bike rental spot.

you actually consider your bikes "decorative furnishings" in the living room of your brand new apartment.

you "choose" the location of the brand new apartment solely because the riding is good and other members of the cycling species are plentiful.

From Durer Shomer

you own a bike that's mobile and a car that isn't.

your wife says "Move these damn bikes so I can ______" (fill in the blank).

you refer to the time you won a $5 "prime" as "The greatest day of my life!"

you were out riding your bike when any of your kids were born.

you get involved in a custody fight over a Cinelli.

your kid brings a rear derailleur to "Show & Tell."

you know EXACTLY how to fit 3 bikes into the trunk of your car.

you have to turn your car (w/bike rack) around because of overhead clearance restrictions.

you disassemble, clean and reassemble your bike in your living room.

you finally break down and get a VCR because ESPN is showing bike racing while you're at work.

From Rin Wheeler

the mere sight of the words L'Alpe D'Huez makes the muscles in your legs tight.

you traded what was your dream car in for something that makes a better 'sag wagon'.

your resting heart rate is lower than the local speed limit.

you often discover random geometric patterns on your right calf, and you affectionately refer to them as 'chain art'!

you have (whether you admit it or not) your very own copy of the movie "American Flyers".

phrases like 'pretzeled wheel' and 'pizza elbow' don't exactly make your mouth water.

any mention of nipples makes you wonder where you left your spoke wrench.

the onset of lactic acid brings a smile to your face.

your italian bike sees more of the road than your german car.

your dog has a name like Pinarello, Vitus, Presta, Etc..

From Bill Eberhardt

you are riding in your car with your tandem stoker, call out a bump, and watch her raise up off of the seat.

From Walter R. Francis

you make time to shave your legs, but forget to shave your face.

From A. Caranti

you come home after a wet, cold and muddy ride, and the first thing you do, with your damp clothes still on, you clean your bike very carefully.

From Stuart Passmore

the bike shop you go to only charges cost +10% cos you go in ther all the time.

you don't even have a car (this is the real test).

you check out all other guys/girls legs to se if they are "better" than yours.

your bikes sleep with you in the living or bedroom.

you wear your heart rate monitor during sex.

you turn long distance driving into a cycling game.

you submit to this list.

you have some wedding photo's with your bikes.

your wife can't take it anymore and takes up cycling.

you know all the acronyms related to tubesets, (MAX, el/os), why one is better than the other, the weights of each and own at least two of them.

you go riding instead of sex.

From Rich Gonzalez

the newscaster refers to a "psychopath", and you think you heard "cycle path".

you in conversations related to "ambulance chaser" attorneys and large jury awards, you point out that you were successful in collecting $59 from an insurance company (for repairs to the bike) the last time you were hit by a truck.

you lean while driving your car around a curve.

you wonder why a $500 bike has 24 gear ratios, while a $20,000 car or truck has four.

From Robert Risack

after leading a group of hobby cyclists on a tour they say: "If I could I would kill you."

you ask your coworker regularly: "Have you bought a bicycle now?" until he/she does.

you think: "Where's the problem?" when someone say's: "That route is not nice - too much up and down!"

From Duane Gran

you get a little hungry at work and you reach around to your back for something to snack on.

From Jørn Dahl-Stamnes

you replace your sofa and chairs in your living room with bicycle seats.

you watch Tour de France (TIOOYK) on a TV set powered by a dynamo connected to a stationary bike.

you photo album have more pictures of your bikes than your family members.

you collect old bicycle parts instead of stamps and coins.

your car has to stay outside while your bikes are stored in your garage.

when you buddies tell you about places they visited on their vacation, you reply "Yeah, there are a few good trails to ride on there..."

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